i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Randomize
