a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
