WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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