Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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