I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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