So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
