I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
