On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
