i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
