I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
