eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
