We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know her cup size but not her name....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
