Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
