when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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