he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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