Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
