i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
