I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
