and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
