Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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