apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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