why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
