i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
