whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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