I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
