I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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