The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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