My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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