The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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