I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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