its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just high enough for therapy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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