I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
