Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
