dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
