That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize