Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
