It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
