wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
