He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
