The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
