Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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