Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
