foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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