I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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