Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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