census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just high enough for therapy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
