I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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