Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
