So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
