After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
