I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
