I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
