I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
