Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
being pregnant is like rehab
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
