I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
