I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
