Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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