You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
