the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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