Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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