I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
