my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize