Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
