went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
