I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
