What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Watching her eat just hurts me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
