you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
