Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
