I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize